guilt is such a... hmm... powerful thing... someone can be just rambling and ranting about nobody or nothing in particular but guilt makes you think you're the target.... hmm...
then again, are you talking about me?? are you??? haha...

i guess there's some truth to what gay says... i've been blogging like nobody's business.. it's all just random thoughts running through... and since i'm online might as well let everyone know i'm still very much alive and brooding... heh... the gathering's still on, by the way. just that the mastermind's gone missing for the week. will keep all informed. yes. gay gay. you'd better come back soon. your bf's leaving for USA next month..

great. now i've turned my not-so-private diary into a noticeboard.

back to serious stuff now. suddenly i don't feel so well read. ok. i do read. the papers, reader's digest, what not. but it's funny i don't feel as well informed. hmm. maybe i've been reading all the wrong stuff. entertaining, but no retaining value. time to change. i think.

change. life is all about change. love it, loathe it, the cliché about change being the only constant is very much true. adept. adapt. how adept are hunmans are at adapting?? inept? perhaps.

heh heh. i think i just got half the world scratching their heads in wonder, and the other half cursing away. which reminds me. the new seven wonders are just 'installed', so to speak. and i realise, damn. i knew nothing about the original wonders. wow. talk about frog in the well, turtle in the tank, whatever.

simplicity. how complex is it? how relative? am i complexly simple, or simply complex??

i think i just killed another few people... haha... better stop rubbishing..

how long does it take to settle into a comfort zone?? hmm... was just wondering about it this morning. thanks to the effect of pms (NOT mine).. haha.

does anyone get too uncomfortable they wish they can retreat into somewhere familiar?? or do they bravely trudge on, or in local slang, "cheong"??

a huge question mark, as usual.. two weeks of mine... two weeks of confusion.. why can't it just coincide?! a month has only four weeks... kaoz... fainted...

i'm still a struggling med tech, by the way. will probably take a while before i get the hang of things, and not hang myself.

time to clean the dust off my notes.. super med tech!!

i hate pms. as usual. now i have a reason to hate it double. seems like it makes people think irrational things and do irrational things and feel irrationally, yet insist irrationally that nothing is wrong. sigh... what can i say??

uncertainty. insecurity. wild thoughts. negative things that i shouldn't exactly be talking or thinking about, yet i seem to be haunted by them.

worked my first sat afternoon today. was quite helpless, actually. since i can't do much, i can't help much. didn't help matters when i actually created more trouble unintentionally, and delayed everyone. my colleagues were very nice about it, but i still felt bad. sigh... i'd better get things on the right track soon...

track. right. right choice. choice??

another rare lonely sat night. sigh. i miss a 'normal' sat night..

i admit i can be a woodblock, and i am easily contented. give me some space, i won't bother anyone. but i guess everyone's wired differently. bored??? oh. no.

maybe i should learn to keep my emotions in check. hmm.

i do care. it's not fake. silly. you do mean alot. i think i need to re-programme myself. but i want to be me, and not wear someone else's shoes. maybe i should consider giving a hard whack to your head. haha. funny. maybe i should just be hardworking and do it the 'hard' way, slowly carve my presence, slowly integrate...

fear. i hate the fear of losing my future. what future is there if i lose you??