為什麼受傷的總是我

天空下著雨　我從背後望著你
就這樣走出我的生命
曾經的承諾　只像雨裡的彩虹
我受傷的心真的好痛

為什麼受傷的總是我
到底我是做錯了什麼
我的真情難道說你不懂
為什麼受傷的總是我
如何才能找到我的夢
有一天有一個她真心愛我

didnt noe PMS is back... so soon... thinking of all sorts of rubbish again...

of all things i'm actually watching dolphin bay on channel U.... n of all things i actuali do identify with some of the drama.... y muz i act strong all the time in front of everyone?? y am i not given a chance to be weak?? y can't i be weak in front of u?? i know no matter wat the ending is the same... so y do i stil hold on??

not many pple have made me or seen me cry... i tot the tears have stopped... y do i feel like crying again?? y is the sense of helplessness n hopelessness so strong??

after oni one month of irritating the staff nurses in the new blk, my boss took me off. i'm reali disappointed. i wonder why. apparently the complaints were getting abit too much for her to cope. ha. hopefully she'll unleash me on them again after a month or two. the saddest thing about my roster?? i start at 8.30am. y not might as well start me at 9?? at least i get to relive my dream n fantasy for a few more weeks b4 ít's gone forever.

oh well. looks like it's true. the brain is a very powerful thing. but i need to have enough motivation to start doing wat i wan to do, although now my roster dun seem to accomodate it anymore. say goodbye to after wk swims even before it's started.

andrew asked me to go sign up as combat medic. went to check out the site, looks interesting. but wat i hate about it, as well as the other uniformed organizations, is that degree holders start as SENIOR officers, while those w/o one are JUNIOR officers. ehz hallo. since when does an extra pc of cert entitle u to so much?? then again, isn't it the same for med techs?? degree n u jump straight to MT. if not have to go up from bottom, for 3-5yrs. unfair life.

grrrr...

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Deadly Sins

Envy: 40%

Greed: 40%

Pride: 20%

Sloth: 20%

Gluttony: 0%

Lust: 0%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 17%

You will die a boring death. While dying, you will be jealous of those who die dramatic deaths.

How Sinful Are You?

shows how bored i actually am... haha...

penned my tots down in a letter i dun intend to send out.. feeling abit better... but stil pining for a lost cause. depression n solitude seem to be the best way out at the moment. then again, i shld probably juz look at my turtles.

tml's the start of a new work week. hopefully i can survive.

guess it's about time i started picking up the camera again. mb i reali shldnt be so lazy.

finally met up with someone.... it's been so many years. had to grapple wif the awkwardness n all. was reali more a Q&A session than anything else. i ask, i get answer. i move on to the next qn, i get another answer. i guess things have changed, we have changed, in our own ways. the gap between us has widened. we talked about work, family, classmates, school, nothing in general. then it ended as abruptly as it had started. w/o so much as a "hi" n a "bye".

perhaps i had hyped myself up too much. i'm feeling reali empty. or i was being too superficial. but how do u open urself up to someone u hafnt met/talked to since 2000-2001??

oh well. at least i know abit more now. i'm not so clueless. glad to see u moving on in life, being happy. being urself. being the same person i once knew.

the dream of the 3-storery house is no more. it has become but a memory, a part of the past.

it's time to let go.