uncertainty. insecurity. wild thoughts. negative things that i shouldn't exactly be talking or thinking about, yet i seem to be haunted by them.

worked my first sat afternoon today. was quite helpless, actually. since i can't do much, i can't help much. didn't help matters when i actually created more trouble unintentionally, and delayed everyone. my colleagues were very nice about it, but i still felt bad. sigh... i'd better get things on the right track soon...

track. right. right choice. choice??

another rare lonely sat night. sigh. i miss a 'normal' sat night..

i admit i can be a woodblock, and i am easily contented. give me some space, i won't bother anyone. but i guess everyone's wired differently. bored??? oh. no.

maybe i should learn to keep my emotions in check. hmm.

i do care. it's not fake. silly. you do mean alot. i think i need to re-programme myself. but i want to be me, and not wear someone else's shoes. maybe i should consider giving a hard whack to your head. haha. funny. maybe i should just be hardworking and do it the 'hard' way, slowly carve my presence, slowly integrate...

fear. i hate the fear of losing my future. what future is there if i lose you??