looks like pms is my weak point... i feel idiotic.. i feel useless.. i feel....
everything but positive n good.

looks like this is turning out to be a real whine.

let's tok abt seomething more postive.

my turtles are turning pink.

ok. that wasn't very positive either, but it's the truth. i think was the pellets i bought. i saw it happen to my friend's turts. they're both reali pink. he said they've been eating pink food for a while. i think it's the colouring in the food. the water's turning pink too.

at first i though i was seeing things, but shrypy's claws were reali carrying a tinge of pink. then i saw 2 big plonks of shit. PINK. gawd. i dun care if i haf to go broke or my mama will kill me, but i'm going back out to get the expensive but green food. at least my turts will be green, healthy green. oh well.

i feel like crying. i wonder if someone could either console me or lend me a shoulder or juz put me out of my misery? i find myself thinking about a whole lot of things i shouldnt even bother thinking or wasting my time on, but here i am, wasting time, brain cells and a whole lot of emotions. i reali feel drained. i feel like juz going out there, grab someone, marry that bugger, and live happily ever after. or at least try to, by focusing all my energy n time on dat person, so i wun haf time to think at all.

maybe we shouldnt haf met in the 1st place. then i would never haf the courage to ask to meet. i would haf juz let the impulse pass, and suppress it everytime it comes to disturb me.

(un)fortunately, we did. i got to know about you, about what is happening to you, about your plans. now i'm feeling the effect of the double edged sword. i'm like an addict, craving for a 2nd, a 3rd, an endless supply of dosages. it's driving me crazy. it's been 2months and i let it worm into me every other day. i wish, i hope, i'm disappointed, i'm annoyed. i'm crushed. i want to run, but i find solace and refuge nowhere. i stand in front of the house at work, thinking about the past. i take the bus or train, and i'm alwiz keeping a lookout. i drive, and i'm actually thankful for once there's someone in the car so i wun unconsciously take a detour, make a turn, and end up there.

i'm useless. i'm hopeless. i'm a goner.